Youth :
Lancelot Lives
by Jeremy V. Jones
The time is now to become a knight in shining armour because someday you
just might want to rescue that princess. Here's how.
The army of cardboard cupids is hovering overhead. Carnation sales are sweeping
the hallways of the nation's schools. Love is in the air or at least infatuation.
Whether Valentine's Day sweeps you into la-la-love-land or drives you as far
as possible from those red, lacy hearts, at some time in life you've probably
felt the shortness of breath, butterflying stomach and knees buckling at the
sight of her. And if tortured long enough, you might even confess to seeing
that far-off vision of romance and marriage knight-in-shining-armour style where
you ride a white horse to the rescue of the beautiful maiden, who swoons with
all-consuming love as you slay the dragon, sweep her off her feet and ride into
the sunset to live happily ever after.
Don't worry, Lancelot, it's OK to dream. The good thing is that marriage is
a long way off for you, so you've got plenty of time to prepare. Because here's
the thing: Knights don't just happen. Those armour-suited guys from the Round
Table had some serious training to do before being whacked over the shoulders
by the king and dubbed a knight.
The same is true for you. What you do today matters later in life. And now
is the time for training to become that knightly future husband. Consider this
your crash course in gallantry. Listen well, young squire, and you may one day
have your pick of all the princesses of the land.
PUT PURITY INTO PRACTICE
God created sex as an amazing gift to be shared between husband and wife. What
kind of present do you want to be to your future wife? One carefully wrapped
and unstained, or carelessly dented and ripped open? Honour her now by living
out a commitment to sexual purity until marriage.
- Set clear boundaries. Decide now how far is too far before the passion
of the moment has a chance to carry you farther. At the beginning of a relationship,
talk about your limits and determine the consequences of failure, such as
breaking up. If you can't handle that, you aren't ready for a relationship.
- Slay the lust dragon. Don't think you can just delay all your lusts until
after you're married. Your wife will not simply be your swimsuit model whose
main purpose is to fulfill your every fantasy. Train your eyes to glance away
from girls' bodies. And use Scripture as your sword. Memorize 1 Corinthians
6:18-20 and say it out loud when you're tempted, "Flee from sexual immorality.
. . . You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God
with your body."
- Find a band of brothers. Memorize Scripture together. Pray for each other.
Check up on each other. And stand strong, knowing you're not alone in the
battle. If you're in a romantic relationship with a girl, seek out a youth
pastor or youth leader who can provide the same type of support and accountability
to you both.
CHIVALRY LIVES
Knights haven't been around for centuries, but they're still known for their
gentlemanly manners. Those guys knew how to treat women.
- Build up your buddies, the female ones especially. Girls are different than
guys, so treat them with some extra dignity. Encourage and compliment your
girl friends. Stick up for them. Open doors for them, and tone it down on
the burping and rudeness around them. Remember that until you say, "I
do," every girl is potentially someone else's future wife, and she deserves
the same respect that you want other guys out there to show your future wife.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
If you've ever had a girlfriend, you know it's not all fun and games. Fights
and disagreements happen. Marriage is the same way, and the strongest relationships
are those in which both people are able to talk and work through their feelings
and emotions.
- Learn to listen. Practice looking people in the eye. Ask questions that
require more than yes or no answers, such as "What did you think about
the youth pastor's talk on dating versus courtship?" Let a friend say
what's on his mind without you disagreeing, and don't laugh at him, especially
if he's sharing something personal.
- Express yourself. You don't have to get all gushy, but practice saying what's
on your mind. The next time your mom asks "How was your day?" go
beyond "Fine." Give her an example of something that happened, such
as "I aced my algebra test even though I was nervous about it."
LASTING A LIFETIME
No one goes into marriage planning to have it end a few years down the road.
Ensure your chances of a solid lifelong marriage now by using your "single"
time to find your security in your relationship with Christ and let Him teach
you through friendships with others.
- Learn women. What opportunity! You're surrounded by tens, hundreds, maybe
thousands of girls right now at school or church. Instead of wasting time
worrying about how to lay claim to one of them as your girlfriend, get to
know a bunch of them as friends. Go out in groups. Pay attention. Learn personality
traits you like or don't or what character traits are inspiring and attractive
to you in a girl. Practice talking with them. You'll lay a solid foundation
for when it comes time to seriously consider finding a wife.
GET PAST THE BIG "I"
You've heard it before: The world doesn't revolve around you. Do everyone a
favour: Get your eyes off yourself every once in a while. One day, it'll be
crucial to your marriage to serve your wife and put her needs before your own.
- Practice service. You've got plenty of opportunities in your family to sacrifice
what you want for someone else's benefit. Does your sister need to use the
computer? Does your little brother need help with his homework? Could you
clear the table or take out the trash without being asked? Change your attitude
and see these actions as chances to help those around you. As you make it
a habit, you'll be surprised that those same loved ones may begin to go out
of their way to repay the kindness and serve you.
HELP SAVE MARRIAGE
If some political groups have their way, marriage won't be the same once you're
old enough to enjoy it. The institution of marriage is under attack like never
before.
You've probably heard all the talk about same-sex marriage on the news or in
your current events studies at school. Many homosexual groups want to legalize
marriage between two women or two men, and one group of scholars and activists
wants to de-legalize marriage altogether.
So what's the big deal?
Marriage is God's masterpiece: the union of man and woman that capped his Creation
(Genesis 2:18-25). It's a reflection of the intimacy He desires with His followers
(Jeremiah 3:14). It's a holy covenant between a man and woman that is legally
recognized by the state, and it provides the God-designed framework for having
and raising children. Sure, we humans have weakened it with our rampant divorce,
but that doesn't mean marriage isn't worth defending.
Holding to marriage's original definition as between one man and one woman
is not an act of intolerance; it's a protection of the basic family structure.
Decades of research confirm a long list of benefits in traditional one man/one
woman marriage for both adults (longer, happier lives, less stress, more fulfilling
sex lives) and kids (fewer illnesses, less poverty, better academic development,
less drug use and violence).
What can you do to help protect marriage?
Know what you believe and defend marriage in classroom discussions, written
papers, student publication or debates.
Ask your youth pastor or small group leader to study and discuss marriage and
why it matters.
Jesse Florea is the editor of Clubhouse magazine.
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This article appeared in February 2004 issue of Breakaway magazine.
Copyright @ 2004 Focus on the Family.
All rights reserved. International copyright
secured.
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